Season 1, Episode 009
In this episode of Legally Blissed Conversations, we are joined by Amanda Stark, former compliance attorney turned Human Design Expert. Amanda says she learned the hard way that SHE was the only thing standing between her and the life she wanted. She was doing what she thought she should do instead of what she was called to do.
Now she’s a certified life coach and Human Design expert helping women get in touch with their intuition and live passionate, purpose-filled lives.
Shownotes
Website: https://www.glitterandgravitas.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amandastark17/
Instagram: @glitterandgravitas
Transcript
Suzi: So I would like to welcome Amanda Stark of glitter and gravitas. Amanda is a certified life coach who helps successful career driven women who from the outside look like they have it all, but have lost their passion and purpose. Amanda helps him reignite it using the framework of human design. And I think that is such a beautiful mission statement. Amanda, first of all, you are a former lawyer, correct?
Amanda: That is correct. Yeah.
Suzi: Do you want to tell us anything about your past life? Sure. Or is this or is it in the past? And you’re like back, they’re gone? We’re moving on?
Amanda: Nope, I can totally talk about it. Yeah, I am. So your listeners might find this amusing. I actually signed up for the LSAT on a whim, I had no intention of going to law school, I was raised in a family of lawyers, and couldn’t sleep one night back in the dark ages with dial up internet. And I got out of bed at like 3am and connected to the internet, and registered for the LSAT and didn’t tell anybody except my sister because I needed to stay with her the night before because it took place at her college. And so anyway, that led me on a 15 year career path of being an attorney. And with a break in between to be a stay at home mom. So I was a stay at home mom for five years. And then I actually when I came back to work, I ended up kind of by accident in this very niche market area of the law doing health care compliance for ambulance services. So fire departments, private EMS agencies, not something that most people spend any time thinking about. But then I was in house for a company that did that, and then ended up working for a firm, the only one in the country that does that type of law. So that very tiny corner of the law. I was pretty famous for a while.
Suzi: That’s awesome. That’s cool. Did you enjoy it?
Amanda: I did right up until I didn’t.
Suzi: But yeah, that’s pretty typical. So tell us about it.
Amanda: Yeah, I loved there were so many parts of the job that I really liked. I loved to my clients, I got to travel quite a bit, which sounds more glamorous than it is, you know, I write like, it sounds like you get to go to all these cool places. But really, you’re like, in the middle of nowhere. And sitting in a fire hall. Yeah, so not as fun as it sounds. And I was actually telling a friend yesterday, one day I got back, I live in Chicago and I flew into O’Hare Airport, which is a huge airport if nobody’s ever been there. And I got to baggage claim, went to check the screen to see where my bag was gonna come out and couldn’t remember where I just been like, no idea. That’s it, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was like, Oh, I’m traveling way too much. But I did like parts of it. Part of the travel was speaking at conferences and events, which I love to doing. I loved the training and education piece of it. And then so much of what I got to do was proactive. And I wasn’t always cleaning up messes and defending people that had already gotten themselves in trouble. So that part was fun. And I’m just going to be really frank, because this is for female attorneys. I got really, really tired of working for misogynistic old men. And I decided enough was enough. I was tired of being the number one expert in the country and being told by my bosses, oh, people really like your personality. And I thought well, yeah, sure. That’s true. I have an amazing personality. Style, right? That was always a good one, right? Yes. And I was like, Yeah, I’m sure it’s my personality. It has nothing to do with all of my knowledge that I’ve accumulated over the years. So yeah, it was time for career changed. And that led me to coaching which is where I’m at now, and I absolutely love it. Okay,
Suzi: so let’s talk about that transition. So how did you learn about coaching and how Did you decide, okay, I want to actually be a life coach for other people.
Amanda: Yeah, it was not a straight line trajectory. I actually left my firm without a plan, which I do not recommend.
Suzi: nugget of wisdom number one on today’s show Do not leave the firm in anger.
Amanda: Yes. Which is a totally what I did.
Suzi: You know, it happens to the best of us, right?
Amanda: It was for the best. And I don’t regret leaving. But yeah, in hindsight, and I had a plan lined up, that probably would have been better. But so I really started from scratch. I was like, All I know is I don’t want to keep doing that. But what do I want to do? I have absolutely no idea. And so I took the long way. But it’s a lot of what I help my clients do now, which, you know, and I use human design with my clients, but it’s what do you like, what do you feel called to do? And how can we create that in a way that lights you up and makes you feel like you have a purpose? You know, I think so many of us, that’s really what we want, we want to feel like the work we’re doing whether it’s in a firm for a company on our own whatever, we want to feel like it’s having an impact. That is why we got into it. So I kind of started from there, like, What do I love? What do I think I’m good at? And I’ll be honest, one of the first exploratory tests that I did, it wasn’t human design, like what are my strengths? I read it and it was like, love of learning and judgment and impartiality. And I was like, Can I swear on your podcast? I was like, Shit, I have to be a lawyer. That is not the answer. I wanted to hear you say that whenever you didn’t, but it was like all the strings that you associate with attorneys, right? Like, okay, well, I did that already. What else can I do with these strings? So it was really just about exploring, how else can that look. And a big part of it was letting go of the identity of an attorney. I think that is something that carries a lot of weight for us, even when we’re not happy in our careers or jobs. That’s something that you can say, and it gets a reaction, right? Like, it’s not, it’s different than being like, Oh, I work in a cubicle. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But you know what I mean, it just has a different. I don’t know what the word is a different impact on the people that you say it to her.
Suzi: And that’s actually really interesting. I was listening to another podcast the other day, and the female attorney on there had that very same comment about how part of her you know, part of the reason she was so afraid of leaving the law and becoming an author is because she identified so closely with being a lawyer, like it was a part of her right. But here’s the thing, I think that there’s so much that you can take from being a lawyer and having been a lawyer, even if you are not currently a member of the bar of any bar that transitions so perfectly into so many different areas, right of your life, and then also your career choices.
Amanda: Yeah, 100% there’s so many things that carry over that are just good skills to have in life, as well as in jobs. You know, as an attorney, you can write, you can distill things down, you can take complicated things and understand them, you know, there’s a lot of plus memory for details, paying attention and listening. There are so many things that transfer to so many careers, we just have to get it out of our heads that, oh, I went to law school, so I have to be a lawyer. And that’s the only thing that I can do. Right?
Suzi: Right. Yeah. And other skill of digging up is like negotiating, being able to negotiate things. So like if you’re, if you’re a lawyer, and then you’re like, Okay, well, I’m going to start a business, right. And this happens to be brick and mortar, like you’ve got a you have negotiating skills. So yeah, it translates in so many different, so many different ways to think that we can’t look at having been a lawyer, as limiting at all, if anything, it opens up opens up doors.
Amanda: Yeah, I completely agree. I heard on a podcast, it was a doctor who was saying it, not a lawyer, but I think it’s very similar in terms of how you identify as your profession, that she said when she was transitioning to become a coach, a big part of her self concept work that she had to do and where she really felt like she finally had made the transition is she went from being a doctor who happens to be a coach to a coach who happened to have gone to medical school. And I heard that and it was like, Oh, my brain exploded. I was like, yes, that is exactly how I want to feel like I’m a coach that happened to go to law school and I have some skills that carry over from my previous Maria,
Suzi: I absolutely love that. So that’s, that’s really interesting because it really is like you taking that doctor’s thought, right? Like you kind of pick that up and put it into your own situation. And thought work is something that we do a lot, a lot of work around, right as as life coaches. So that’s, that’s great that you’re able to pick up on that and say, Hey, wait a second, like I can apply that to me. Yes, yeah. 100%,
Amanda: I was so thrilled that I heard that I actually, I was listening to this podcast way after it originally aired. But it had that person’s link in the show notes. And so I actually tracked her down on Facebook and sent her a message and just said, Thank you so much for saying that that had such an impact on me when I heard it. And I just wanted you to know, that’s, that’s so good that you do that.
Suzi: I’m sure that made her day.
Amanda: Well, I like to think so I would love it if somebody did that to me, but I just was so grateful to have heard it that I was like, Oh my gosh, this is just been life changing. For me. I was so glad I heard that.
Suzi: I love it. Okay, so I’ve got a couple of questions about your business specifically. You, you mentioned human design a couple of times, and I got a beautiful newsletter from you this past week. And it was it was amazing. And then you had the bottom of the of the email kind of your mission. And you mentioned human design. And what I thought was really interesting about it is you capitalize human design. So tell us a little bit about what that what that means to you. What is human design?
Amanda: Yeah, so it is something that I just fell in love with when I discovered it. And I’m sure a lot of your listeners can relate as lawyers, when we get excited about something, right? We just want to learn all about it. All the things. Oh my gosh, let me read everything I can get my hands on. So that’s where I was with human design. I was like, What is this amazingness. And so I actually and actually, it’s funny behind my Zoom screen right now I have a client’s Human Design reading that I’m working on. So human design is in a nutshell, it’s similar to astrology, it’s based on astrology, the Jewish Kabbalah, and the Chinese I Ching. So it combines those three, you know, I’ll say like, Eastern mystical practices. But in my mind, because I am not a very, I would not have considered myself super spiritual and woo, although turns out I actually am it was a hidden part of me. But you know, but as a logical right brained, you know, compliance attorney, right, it has so many practical purposes, like what I love about human design is when you learn about it, when you don’t want to throw out a ton of words that people aren’t going to know what I’m talking about. But in human design, you have a profile, you have a type. And those at the very high level, that guide your strategy, how you do things, how you interact with the world, and how you show up. So for me, my profile means that I like to learn all the things, and then I have to experiment with them myself. So for example, not only did I do all the readings, but I was like, getting charts, do all that read all the books that I was getting charts from all of my friends and being like, Hey, give me your birth place in time, I want to do a human design reading for you just because I wanted to play with it and see how it comes up. But how I use it with my clients? Sorry, you asked me human design, and I could talk about this for hours.
Suzi: But I aid, Yeah, this is exactly what we want to know for sure. Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. So how I use it with my clients is we really look at how are you showing up? Are you following your strategy at a high level? And then also, what are some recurring themes that pop up in your chart? So for example, I did a reading recently where the one of the recurring themes was starting, but not finishing. So having that really high excitement level to get started, and then not having the energy to carry it through. So then we look at, okay, how can you use that, in its natural form, to help you in your life, in your business in your career, right, this particular person happened to be an entrepreneur, but I mean, it works in terms of just your career path as well. You know, for example, like in the legal realm, you know, maybe you are somebody who does client intakes and brings clients in, but when it comes to doing their actual transactional work, that’s not your strong suit, because you’ve lost that excitement and energy for it. And that’s such a great awareness,
Suzi: right for people, not only, you know, in kind of their professional life, but also just their personal life as well.
Amanda: Where am I starting things right, and maybe actually not, not finishing them? That’s right. Yeah, exactly. And even some of those things that can see more like challenges like you know, you can I read that as like, I don’t follow through on what I start. But a lot of times that comes with if we’re doing things that are aligned with our purpose as created within our human design, we can easily overcome those challenges where we get put up against a wall is when we’re not following our strategy. So like one of my signs that I’m not following my strategy can be frustration, right? That I just feel like no matter what I’m doing, I’m not getting anywhere, I’m not making any progress. And that typically means I am trying to do work outside of my natural human design strategy. So it’s just it’s so fascinating. And I just find it so amazing. And I use that, you know, kind of as a framework, but we do traditional coaching as well, you know, thought work and mindset and all of those things as well.
Suzi: I love that. So the other question I have about your business, because I have a feeling we could talk about human design for a long time. Sounds really, really sounds really fascinating. I’m curious about your the name of your business, glitter and gravitas. I’m a trademark attorney. So I’m always curious about name origins, right? Like brand origins, how they came up with the name. So what is glitter, and gravitas mean to you? And how did you come up with that funding?
Amanda: Yeah, so fun. I love words, I am a prolific reader. And I just, I love words and choosing the right word for things. So it was really fun for me to come up with it. And I think I wanted something that I felt really represented, me and I have always felt, and I’m sure a lot of your listeners can relate to this to that sometimes, as a woman in law, you can feel a little bit square peg round hole, right? Especially if you identify like I do is more of a girly girl. And, you know, I like all the sparkles all the makeup, all the fancy, pretty things. And so, you know, going into this world where you think of, you know, uptight and suits and like being quiet and all of those things that sometimes it was like, No, but I just like, I want to wear my sparkly tights to work. So I wanted something when going out on my own, I wanted something that I just really felt represented that side of me without diminishing because I think there’s that patriarchal message out there that says, Oh, if you like your big, gorgeous earrings, like you’re wearing right now, like if you love your fancy earrings, or your cute clothes, or your shoes that you’re not serious or nice, yeah. That you can’t be, you can’t be smart and pretty for like, at its most basic level, right? Like you have to be one or the other. You either have to be girly, or you have to be professional, you have to be smart, or you have to be frivolous, like you can’t be both of them don’t both exist, right? Yeah, exactly. So that’s where it came from. Glitter is one of my favorite things. So that was easy for me to come up with. They just love anything that sparkles. And then the gravitas, I really wanted something that I felt represented strength in a feminine and reserved kind of way, not a in your face, I’m going to overpower you kind of strength. But in a just a very, I think refined way. And I love that one of the definitions of gravitas is decorum. And I just I that’s another word that I love. Just because I think it represents such poise. From a strong standpoint that like you can be in the face of something really tough and hold it together and come out. All put together and pretty and sparkly at the end. You can still wear your big earrings.
Suzi: Right? And I love I absolutely love that. Thank you for telling me that that story. That’s really cool. So I got a an email from you this week. And it was really interesting. You’re talking about a conversation that you’d have the client, and you’ll have been talking about the difference between intuition and fear. And I loved some of your comments in this newsletter and I want to read a few of them. You said this, your client asked if the resistance to doing the course that she was interested in producing was actually her intuition telling her to not go after that goal. Would you tell us a little bit about listening to your intuition, right and kind of figuring out like when you’re making decisions, listening to your intuition versus fear based decision making. Yeah, love to have 100 your thoughts about that? Yes.
Amanda: So intuition shows up differently for different people and depending on your human design, so some people it speaks to you and you gotta listen. Other times it comes to When it’s like, okay, I hear that, let me ride it out, right? Like, let me have a good day with it in a bad day with it and see if it still feels like a good decision. But for everyone, right? Intuition comes to you, where it just feels like a compulsion or like a niggling thought that won’t go away. But intuition, in my mind speaks to you at a high level. So, you know, I would say, intuition for me, has shown up in different ways, like I’ve already talked about, like registering for the LSAT in the middle of the night, right, that just felt like this strong poll. And I listened to it. Now, was it fun to fill out? Applications? Was it fun to study for the LSAT? Was law school fun? No, not at all. But the intuition poll was there to pursue that path. So we have to be able to will be willing to listen to our intuition, but also understand that our brains don’t like us to do hard things, right. So you can say, yeah, I really want to go after this goal. Like in my clients case, it was becoming a Somalia. And so that’s something that I really want to do. I want to go after it. But to sit down and like learn about grapes for hours on end online. Not the most exciting thing I can imagine doing with my day, right? I would much rather watch Netflix or workout or do something else. That’s a taste wine, right? Yes, yes, I’d rather drink the wine and learn how it’s made. Yeah. I thought this was all gonna be drinking wine with other people.
Suzi: Right? Can you just not pass this to me? Like do the computer screen these days? It’s awesome.Amanda: Right? And so that is, you know, so that’s kind of what came up for this client. Like, I really just thought it was my intuition that I wanted to follow this. I wanted to go after the school, but I just cannot make myself sit down and do this online course. So that’s your human brain being like, yeah, doesn’t sound fun. Let’s do something else today. Instead, that’s not necessarily your intuition speaking to where the intuition comes in, is like, if, you know, maybe, like if I saw some advertisement, or came across the opportunity to study to be a Somali eight, that probably wouldn’t call to me, right? I wouldn’t be like, Oh, that’s something that I really want to do, where I was introduced to human design. And I’m like, 10 minutes in on Amazon ordering every book that has human design in it, right? That’s my that’s following your intuition. But like going through the less fun pieces, it’s fear seems like a strong word. But really, it’s a driving force. And you know, this as a coach as well. Fear is a driving force. It just means we don’t want to do something hard. We don’t want to be uncomfortable. We don’t want to feel stressed. We don’t want to be anxious, or overwhelmed. But it’s also going through those things is how we get to our big goals and accomplishments.
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Suzi: Yeah, that’s awesome. So can you talk a little bit about the intersection of human design and into intuition? Maybe like, like, do you do people have? I guess my question would be, do some people have more innate trustworthiness when it comes to leaning into their intuition? Right? Does that make sense versus some people who are just like, No, no, even though I hear this voice talking to me, I’m going to completely resist it. So like, I mean, I guess there there are people that are kind of on both sides. Is that a human design? Would that would that be because of like human design?
Amanda: Yes, that can be it’s partially Human Design and harsh, partially being a human, right.
Suzi: Yeah, right.
Amanda: So everyone has intuition. You’re human design will factor in how it speaks to you and what you should do about it. And without getting super technical part of human designers you have an authority so So depending on the type of your type, right, there’s different authorities. And that’s how you respond. So for example, I have a emotional authority, which means when I have an intuition, I can feel a call like, yes, that is something that I think I want to do. But then I’m going to have a roller coaster of emotions basically about it like, oh, yeah, I really want to do that. Oh, my gosh, I don’t know, can I do that? Right? And it’s gonna go up and down. And so I have to essentially wait for the roller coaster ride to be over to be like, okay, is that still a yes? Is that still something that I want to do? Other people, depending on their design, don’t have to experience that they can just be like, I want to do that. Okay, Sign me up. Right. So it just depends on your authority and how you should respond. But then there’s also just being a human. And I would say even more so being a woman we are, as women, we’re kind of allotted for our intuition, while also being told never to listen to it. Right? That yeah, that’s true. So I think, as women, if we’re not in the habit of practicing listening to our intuition, then it can be really challenging to just adapt and be able to hear it, that’s a practice and to know when it’s calling to you. And as women that work in male dominated fields that we spent so many years in school, you know, taskmaster, we’ve got to get all the things done, and everything in law school and the law, not only is it a male dominated field, but it’s set up with a completely masculine energy, right? Like, everything is about getting to the top being at the top of your class, making Law Review, getting a clerkship moving on to partner bringing in the most business, everything about that is a masculine energy and listening to your intuition is very feminine. So for not paying attention to that side of ourselves. It can be easy to miss if we’re not practicing.
Suzi: So is that something you work with your clients on? Like, even your lawyer clients? Like leaning into and trusting their intuition more? Because my question is, like, I know, I know where I am on this. But my question is, where is there space in our practice, as lawyers to lean in our into our intuition? Right? Because it’s kind of scary, because, you know, if you have to justify why you make a decision, or why you advise a client to do a certain thing, or not do something, you know, and maybe the vise wasn’t the greatest or they come back to you. I mean, you don’t want to be like, Oh, my gut said, Oh, my intuition said, right. I mean, I’m like, I know where I stand on intuition. It’s it’s grown, I trust it a lot more the older I get, but it does, you know, like, as a younger lawyer, I don’t know if I would have ever been able to do that. So I’d love to know, kind of your thoughts on that?
Amanda: Yeah, absolutely. So you know, and it depends on the type of law that you do. And you know, if you are lower level in a firm versus if you’re at a company, I mean, there’s all sorts of different factors. But off the top of my head, there’s definitely ways you can always be listening to your intuition. For example, if you have the ability to have a say so and whether or not to take on a client or not listen to your intuition about that. Sometimes a client can come to you, I have this experience as an attorney, that somebody came up to me at a conference that I was speaking at. I mean, they checked all the boxes of being exactly the type of client that I helped. And the whole time I was talking to the person, I just had this full body response, like, I don’t want to be part of this. I don’t want to be involved. I don’t trust this person is telling me the truth. Right? So I listened to that. And I had the privilege of where I was at, at that point in my career to be like, No, that’s not a client I’m going to take on. But listen to that. And even if you don’t have a say, you know, those are things that you can investigate further, right? Do your due diligence on that client before the firm signs them, that kind of thing. Settlements is another perfect area where you can listen to your intuition, right? Because sometimes, it doesn’t necessarily seem like how it was supposed to work out on paper. But if you’re feeling that call, like, Yeah, this is the really, this is the right thing to do. It could be because you’re about to step in a minefield if you don’t settle, right that right? So this is the best outcome for you and the client. Those are areas, getting a job where you want to work, if it’s time to leave, if it’s time to go out on your own, if it’s time to go in house or back to a firm or whatever, you know, there’s all kinds of areas on the career path in particular that you can listen to your intuition and follow it. And again, yes, that’s something I work with clients on and it also goes back to your human design how it shows up for you. So with my type that like no response, like Ah, no, I want no part of that. That is my intuition. Speaking that’s how Oh, my type shows up as a no. And as a yes. It’s like, I’m even not like, it’s so like, ingrained in me that I’m like, when it’s a yes. Like it is my whole body will feel it. And I’m like, yes, absolutely, I want to do that. So but different people, it shows up in different ways. But you can definitely lean in and listen to it. Even if you work for someone else in your first year out of law school, there’s opportunities.
Suzi: I think that’s a really good point to make, too, because I think about the difference. Like when I was a young associate, I didn’t necessarily get to choose the clients that I worked for, right, like, especially the first couple of years that like you took the work that they gave you. But when I had my own practice, like, I really did lean in a lot to intuition with respect to new client intake. And I always tell people, you know, one of the best ways to help your mental sanity, as a lawyer, in my opinion, is to have clients that you truly love to serve. Right? The ones that ask you, where do I send the check, right? There’s not the ones that you’re like, Hey, I’ve had this invoice outstanding for 90 days, what’s going on here? Right? And there are clients out there that are like that, right. And I think that, you know, preventing malpractice, like one of the best ways to do it is like during intake, right? When you’re doing that initial client vetting, and trusting that intuition if something does not feel right. Just lean into that, right? You don’t have to say, We second guess ourselves all the time, like, Oh, I’m overthinking this, or like, it’ll be fine. Or I really, like need the money with this with this prospective client. Right? Like you, you hear a lot of that as well. And people always have these rash rationalities, for pushing back that inner voice that they should really be listening to. Yeah, absolutely. I love how you said that, you know, lean into it. And if it’s on an intake, you know, lean into that voice is telling you to ask a different question or explore that a little bit more, because sometimes you can uncover it. And I love that you brought up the rationale of like, Oh, but I really need to bring money, whether you’re on your own, or you are responsible for bringing in business or whatever. There’s always that pressure. But a lot of times if we’re ignoring that voice in our heads that saying, Nope, no, we don’t, we shouldn’t be doing this. When you ignore it, it almost always ends up costing you more money in the long run than if you would have just said no. And then went out and looked for another client that your intuition was saying, yes, let’s I’ll take that one. I like it better. Right. It’s, it’s so true. It definitely ends up costing you in the long run, right, like mental health or, you know, lack of sleep and just so much anxiety. So can we get better at trusting our intuition? Yes, everybody can.
Amanda: It just takes practice. And going back, and this is actually perfect. I don’t know when this is coming out. But when we’re recording it, we are getting ready for a lunar eclipse. And that is actually tomorrow. And so that’s Friday, November 19. I don’t know when this is coming up. Okay, so yeah, so this will be out after? Yeah. After this lunar eclipse. So but this will be good. Because there’s always lunar eclipses. Oh, yeah, that happens. And we’re actually entering in eclipse season. So this is actually even after this, even after tomorrow, this is a great opportunity to do this, to go back and look at areas of your life that you want to work on and see where was your intuition telling you something and you didn’t listen to it? So for me right now, the work I’ve been doing this week, because it goes into astrology and your design and like where you can focus, but for me, I’ve been focusing on relationships, both like partner relationships and family relationships, those kinds of things. And going back and saying, okay, when was my intuition telling me something that I didn’t listen, how did that turn out? When did I listen to my intuition, and then that was the right thing to do. So it’s always a good thing to go back and look, because hindsight, you can see it clearer. I would recommend starting there, especially if you’re like, I don’t even think I have intuition, right? I don’t even know where to start with that. Go back and look, and just pick an area of your life. You know, you can pick your career. Were there times when I felt a pull and I didn’t listen to it. How did that turn out and just explore that Do you know some journaling or some thought work on that and explore it and that can help you identify how it spoke to you so that you can be more aware of it in the future.
Suzi: Okay, I love that because this is all about increasing awareness. Right. And so how does the let me He helped me understand like, how does the Eclipse come into play here? Is it is it just because of like astrologically? It’s a good time to do those reflections. Yeah. And this lunar eclipses are usually kind of a shake. If there are astrologers listening to this, I am not doing astrology as you never know.
Amanda: I mean, there could be there could be, forgive me. Okay, thank you, I just want to acknowledge, I know I’m not doing a good job of explaining this. There’s a lot to learn and astrology,
Suzi: I’ve got a I’ve got a book. And I was like, whoa, this, there’s a lot here.
Amanda: But yeah, and as soon as you learn something, there’s like 20 more layers, you can learn about it. But essentially, eclipses kind of shake things up, right. So it’s like, if you were to uncover a rock, right, there’s gonna be stuff under there. So it’s a good time, while you have the rock turned over. If there’s anything you want under there, you should get it out before the rock covers it up again. So that’s kind of a really terrible way of explaining why the Eclipse has something to do with why it’s a good, it’s an especially good time, you might feel more in tune with what’s gone on in certain areas of your life. And especially if you don’t know astrologically, like where this might show up for you. Right now. Just if you’re feeling like you’re kind of dwelling on something, or this certain area of your life keeps coming up to the forefront, just do some exploring, there’s not a wrong way to do it, right? Just pick something and be like, I’m going to pick my job, I’m going to pick my relationships, I’m going to pick my, you know, health, whatever, there’s all sorts of ways that you can do it. And there’s no wrong way to do it.
Suzi: Okay, so what about the person that tells you, I am always logical, and I’m always following my brain,
Amanda: I am not going to follow my gut on this situation, like logic always rules the day, what would you tell that person or the person who says, I’ve never relied on my gut on something, I would tell them that’s not true. And that they probably have followed their gut in the past, they’ve just used logic to explain it to themselves. So A and B, I identify as a very type a logical person to. So I would say like, you can follow your intuition and still use logic and reason to shape how that looks right. Like following your intuition. I think sometimes that’s a misconception. So I’m glad you brought it up. following your intuition doesn’t necessarily mean you like, don’t show up for work for three weeks, or like, you just decide that you’re gonna go on an open ended trip around the country. There are some people that do that, you know, but it doesn’t mean you can’t use logic or that there isn’t room for both to exist together. I definitely think there is it doesn’t mean, if I start listening to my intuition, I don’t use logic and critical thinking and reasoning in my life, either. They’re not mutually exclusive. Yes, 100%. You can and should use both.
Suzi: Okay, so I want to ask you a random question. Okay. What is the problem that you want to solve?
Amanda: Well, this is another one I could talk about forever. I was following my intuition here.
Suzi: I want you to know, I love you and have some good stuff.
Amanda: I want women to stop selling themselves short. I want women to believe in themselves. I think. If you just look at the world, we have let men be in charge. And where has that gotten us? Right? I just think and there are studies talk about intuition and logic coming together. There are studies that show that the more women are on a board at major Fortune 500 100 companies, the more successful the company is, when there are women in leadership, the company makes more money. There’s all sorts of I mean, using masculine barometer is right. There’s all sorts of data to support that women are great decision makers, they are great leaders, that using emotion and intuition in leading and decision making is a great idea. And we collectively, I think, allow ourselves and I’m not calling anybody out and there’s so much history and context here but we allow ourselves collectively, to be told to be quiet, to smile more to have a nice personality to you have to choose right you can be a mom or you can have a career you can be a woman lawyer but not at a top firm. You can’t make partner you can’t take maternity leave all those things right? Right. And I think the more women individually believe in themselves and go after those things, and start shaking things up, the better it gets. I also think I think we sell ourselves short not only that way, but we also tell ourselves that we as individuals don’t matter to the collective. Like, it’s okay if I hate my job, and I cry every single day, because I’m the only one who’s suffering. But that’s not true. Right? That has a ripple effect on everybody that you interact. And for any of you that are moms that are moms have daughters have young girls in your life in any capacity. You are a role model for them, you’re showing them what’s possible. And I think I have two daughters that are 12 and 14 right now. And they, I think about them a lot that if I am modeling to them, like it is okay to go to a job that you hate every single day, it is okay to walk in the door, and you can’t get that y model open fast enough, because the day was so miserable. Like, if I’m modeling that behavior for them that I’m miserable, and I hate it. But this is as good as it can get for me, then 20 years from now, 30 years from now, if they’re in that same situation, they don’t believe they have another option, either. Because that’s what they saw modeled to them. They saw that okay, well, that’s just part of life, right? It’s just a woman. actuating, right, yes, when you’re a woman and you get to middle age, you’re gonna hate your life and your job. And that’s just part of it. And I just think we need to start using that energy to say, Okay, but what if I did change? What if my daughter saw me, like, storm out in anger, not that I should do that better. If they saw me say, like, Nope, that’s enough, I’m not going to be told that anymore, I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m going to do something that makes me happy and joyful, and feel purposeful. And I’m going to do that until I’m ready to do something else. And then I’m going to find something else that fills me with light and happiness every single day. And I feel like I’m doing something important in the world, right, that we always have those options that we’re not stuck, because we made a decision at some point in our past, right. And I think as women, we take that on way too much. Sorry. Like I said, that’s another subject I could talk about forever.
Suzi: That was beautiful. And it’s it’s very interesting, as I hear all the time, right? Like, female lawyers feeling very, very stuck as a lawyer, and you know, I’ve invested, you know, all this time and money into my education, and then all all of this in my career, and they get to this point where they, you know, that sunk cost fallacy as well, like, they don’t they, you know, they don’t see anything, they don’t see options, right. And I want women to understand that. But, you know, having gone to law school, and whether or not you’re in a farm or not, like doors should be open for you. Right? The world, the world is your oyster, right? You can go out and do so many things. You don’t have to, you don’t have to be be in a position where you’re miserable. You know, in some people, some people love big law, right? Like some people love being in a big in the big law firm environment, that’s that, you know, they really thrive in that atmosphere. But not everybody does. So and it’s okay, if you don’t, and it’s okay to, to always kind of be looking at what other possibilities are are out there for you. And, you know, your past doesn’t determine, does it necessarily determine your future? And this is something that we, you know, we kind of learned as life coaches, right, like the importance of being future focused when we make our decisions, like our decisions aren’t based on maybe maybe a bad decision that we’ve, you know, made in the past, but we make our decisions based on on future focus.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. 100%. And I would say, you know, you said, it’s okay, if big loss and for you, or it’s okay, if you know, whatever particular track isn’t for you. It’s also okay, if it was at one point, and it isn’t now. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. That you always get to change your mind. Yes. Always. There’s never a point where we’re past that, where we can’t change our mind and decide, nope, I don’t want to do this anymore. And it doesn’t mean what you did doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. It doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. It doesn’t mean you weren’t doing the absolute best thing for you. Right up until the point where it wasn’t right. Like I think that’s something that’s really important, like you said, sunk that sunk cost fallacy. Like, it’s like, oh, but then I spent all that money and time in law school, right? Worked my way up. I just made partner. Okay, you still did all those things that’s still in it. accomplishment that you get to keep. But you don’t have to stay there.
Suzi: Yeah, yeah. It’s an interesting mindset. Right? To have, right they. And I think that it’s just one of those. It’s almost like a societal expectation, right? Like you, oh, well, you went to this, you know, this university, then you need to go work in big law and you need to climb the ladder. And then you need to have your corner office, right as a partner and your leather bound books and your, your big oak desk, right. And some people are just like, I don’t want to do that, right. Like, I want to do something totally different. And I love I think that you made a beautiful point to that. You can change your mind, right? Like you were always reevaluating reevaluate all the time, like, is this where I am? In this moment? Does this make sense for me? I think that’s really important. So I want to be really mindful of your time. Amanda, this has been so much fun. I love having you.
Amanda: Yeah, it’s been a fantastic conversation. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you.
Suzi: Let me ask you, where can people find you?
Amanda: Yeah, so I am on Instagram and Facebook. It’s at glitter and gravitas. And that is also my website, glittering gravatar.com. So easy to remember. And you can find me any of those places. And then I do also have a free video training. It is called get unstuck and three steps. It’s talks about a lot of the things we talked about here today. Growing your self confidence, making decisions and acting on those decisions and being you know, focused on what you want. Next. It’s just three really short videos are about all three less than 15 minutes, you can sign up on my website and get it they come right to your email. So we’d love for you guys to check that out as well.
Suzi: Thank you. Thank you again. It’s been so much fun hanging out with you.
Amanda: Yes, you too. I’ve really enjoyed it. Thank you for inviting me.
Suzi: Thank you so much for hanging out with us today on legally bliss conversations. If you love this episode, and you want to hang out with other inspiring and light gold female attorneys, be sure to join the legally bliss community at legally blessed.com And be sure to follow me on Instagram at Suzan Hixon. See you next time.
Following Your Intuition and Human Design with Amanda Stark
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